Entirely New Apple Product Launching in 2020

The fruit world in which the world 'apple' is always spelt with a lowercase 'A' may be about to be disrupted, with a group of young tree innovators planning to take the food world by storm with an entirely new variety of apple. Read More >>

John Lewis Suspects the Drone Craze Might be Over

Department store chain John Lewis is not the place to buy your consumer-level drone this year, for one rather large reason; it's stopped selling them altogether. Read More >>

Jessops is Today’s Doom-Threatened High Street Name

High street camera chain Jessops, which went bust six years ago but managed to avoid total extinction by selling a few decent assets to TV businessman Peter Jones, is preparing to declare itself bankrupt again and begin a process that could see some of its 46 remaining outlets closed for good. Read More >>

Northern Rail Operator Faces Nationalisation of Shame

A part of the government that's still working vaguely normally is considering unleashing the metaphorical nuclear option on the Northern rail franchise, adding to local calls that the chaotic scenes and poor performance on the line cannot continue and threatening the operator with nationalisation. Read More >>

Ant & Dec Return to BBC for Top Gear/Pimp My Ride Hybrid Car Show

Ant and Dec are returning to stand next to each other in the correct name order for the BBC, by co-producing a car-based programme they're calling Street Car Showdown. It's a blend of car worship and a showcase of mechanical skills, presenting teams with the challenge of turning some old wreck into a capable race car. Wahey, the lads will then go. Read More >>

Bizarre Newspaper/Bottled Water Promotion to End

The Daily Telegraph will no longer be sold alongside a bottle of water at train stations, airports and your usual WHSmiths-of-last-resort, as plummeting profits at the newspaper group has triggered a rethink in strategy. Read More >>

Boohoo Fashion Ad Banned for Misuse of “Send Nudes” Meme

A lone wolf complainer pretending to misunderstand a joke behind an advert was enough to get fashion retailer Boohoo told off by the Advertising Standards Authority this week, after the term "send nudes" was included in an online ad for a coat. Read More >>

Primark Says Amazon Delivery Hack is a Great Way of Overpaying for its Gear

The mainstream part of the internet was awash with stories about an amazing Primark delivery hack yesterday, after someone working for The Sun or the Daily Mail discovered that third-parties are buying Primark gear and listing it on Amazon for home delivery. Given Primark still doesn't offer an online shopping option, this was seen as something of a staggering retail revolution. Read More >>

Andy Serkis Punished for Something By Being Made to Portray a Bumhole

Poor old Andy Serkis must've been found guilty of doing something fairly bad by his local court earlier in the year, as his community service punishment has been to take on the role of a sentient and speaking human anus in order to get the nation thinking about fatbergs. Read More >>

Royal Mint Counts All the 50p Coins so You Don’t Have to

Collecting 50p pieces seems to be cool with the kids these days, seeing as 50p is about all the underpaid youth can afford to set aside for rainy days and flat deposits and so on. But which 50p is the rarest of them all? The Royal Mint has blown the doors off this perennial tabloid clickbait favourite by literally listing the mintage numbers throughout the entire lifetime of the 50p. Read More >>

Royal Mail Workers Expected to Call Christmas or Black Friday Strikes Today

As many as 100,000 Royal Mail staff represented by the Communications Workers Union have been taking part in a ballot over possible strike action, with the answer expected to be "yes" and the result of the poll made public today at 3:30pm. Read More >>

Sports Direct Accuses Nike and Adidas of Unfairly Controlling the Bouncy Shoes Market

Mike Ashley's Sports Direct is attempting to start a little war with Nike and Adidas, and is accusing the two sportswear giants of using their big brand leverage to control the market; demanding competition authorities initiate a "wide market review" of their UK and EU operations. Read More >>

Eden Project Plans Journey to the Centre of the Earth

Cornwall's staggeringly popular Eden Project attraction has secured enough money to fund its geothermal energy ambitions, and is to begin drilling a 4.5km-deep hole in the ground in order to harness heat from the rocks below the domes to power itself – and perhaps local homes – using the ultimate in ground-source heating. Read More >>

Intergenerational Cult Actor Stephen Moore Dies at 81

People all over the internet have been inadvertently revealing how old they are this weekend, in the wake of the death of numerous film and TV pie-fingering British actor Stephen Moore. Read More >>

Tarmac Cycle Path the Last Straw for Lake District Activists

One local council in the Lake District has turned on the group in charge of managing the national park, with the enraged bureaucrats of Keswick Town Council passing a vote of no confidence in operators of the Lake District National Park Authority. Read More >>