MPs Call For Entirely Unnecessary Ban on Eating Dogs

Apparently, it isn't technically illegal to eat dog meat in this country, a fact that shouldn't really need pointing out as it's honestly never really occurred to anyone. Dogs are for patting, walking, and social content generation, not stews. But the fact is being pointed out by international animal protection charities, so, always keen to enact the will of the people, our MPs are trying to make sure that the UK's dog-eating legal loophole is soon closed. Read More >>

Morrisons Has Random Box of Potentially Unidentifiable Veg for £1

Supermarket Morrisons, king of the wonky veg trend, has had another idea to shift decaying produce contribute to the health of the nation – a "Too Good to Waste" £1 bargain box of fruit and vegetables that are nearing the end of their advertised shelf lives, but remain edible enough to be roasted, made into soup, fed to the guinea pigs or taken to a sporting event to be thrown at enemy shirts. You could even eat them raw and tell everyone on Instagram about how it made you feel amazing, even if it didn't. Read More >>

Poundland’s Toblerone Disruptor Twin Peaks Returns in Fruit and Nut Variety

The aisles of your regional Poundlands are literally jammed with pallet loads of Twin Peaks bars at the moment, as the bargain retailer tries to capitalise on last year's amazing popularity of its Toblerone homage by piling them high for Christmas of 2018. And the pressure to trough out is about to get higher for anyone still bravely resisting boarding the Christmas chocolate-for-lunch-and-dinner train already, as a fruit and nut Twin Peaks launches tomorrow. Read More >>

We Don’t Really Believe AIs are Likely to do Our Important Jobs

A survey of 2,000 workers has found that most don't rate the chances of an AI being able to take their jobs away from them in the next 15 years, as it's fairly hard to imagine exactly how these magical future computer brains are going to be able to do the majority of human tasks that involve fingers, procrastination, meetings, crying in a toilet cubicle and putting kettles on. Read More >>

Little Plumpton Wobbled by Latest Frackquake

The ON/OFF lever beside the massive hoses operated by Cuadrilla on its Lancashire fracking site has been shoved to the OFF position again, after the operation to squeeze fossil fuels out of the ground caused its biggest tremor yet and fracking was once again suspended. Read More >>

German Discount Supermarkets Continue to be the Future of Food Shopping

Aldi and Lidl are the places to be seen this year with a trolley full of bafflingly cheap chocolate and booze that's probably totally fine at getting the job done, as year-on-year market shares for the pair are up more than ten per cent – and the traditional "big four" supermarkets have failed to grow despite their various Christmas adverts. Read More >>

Nearly a Quarter of NHS Trusts Have No Qualified Cybersecurity Staff

Freedom of Information requests filed with the UK's network of NHS trusts appears to show that many are woefully unprepared for a future in which they rely on computers more than fax machines, with 24 of the 108 NHS trusts asked for staff data saying they have literally no one on the payroll vaguely qualified in technical cybersecurity matters. Read More >>

Easter Island Mayor Says “Keep the Statue” as Locals Won’t Look After it Properly

The mayor of Easter Island has decided it might be best if the request to have an old stature returned is rejected by the British Museum, as the country is in fact littered with such things and the museum might do a better job of preserving it for future generations. Read More >>

Is Your Pixel 3 Screen a Knackered Disco Strobe?

More than a few owners of Google's high-priced 2018 Pixel 3 are experiencing problems with their device's screens, which have developed a variety of glitching issues including a disorientating bright yellow flash when switching the screen off; in the same fashion as exhibited by last year's Pixel 2 XL. Read More >>

Walkers’ Crisp Packet Recycling Bin Network is Live so Lay Off Gary Lineker on Twitter

The Walkers crisps recycling nightmare is over! The crisp maker, in association with recycler Terracycle, has officially opened a nationwide-ish network of recycling drop off points where your embarrassingly huge bin liner full of all the crisps packets you've eaten out of can be returned, which should be easier then putting them in the post. Read More >>

Bude Continues to Bleed Internet-Famous Supermarket Tunnel Dry

Sainsbury's and Bude are working together to ensure the fame won by the town's plastic car park tunnel lasts as long as possible, with the notorious plastic rain shield now kitted out with full decorations to turn it into a festive getting-to-your-car experience the likes of which we – and definitely the people of Bude – have never seen before. Read More >>

Only the Purest of EVs Should be Allowed on Fast Public Chargers, Say Auto Experts

An EV network enthusiast has put out the idea that hybrid vehicles should be barred from using the public electric car charging network, as the halfway house cars often charge at vastly slower rates than their pure EV rivals and, oh yes, they have entire extra engines in them too so perhaps their need for a top-up isn't as great. Read More >>

Kellogg’s Offloads Waste Cornflakes for Use in Craft Beer Industry

We know what you're doing here, Kellogg's. You're trying to take hold of the cereal news agenda to people stop talking about how much sugar they're eating for breakfast, aren't you? You want some feelgood news to pop up when the boss searches for "Kellogg's" in Google News today, don't you? Well here you go. They're making beer out of cornflakes. Ha ha. Well done. Very healthy. Beer. Mmm. Read More >>

Futuristic “Fax” Technology to be Banned from the NHS by 2020

It's funny to remember every once in a while that the NHS does indeed force its staff to battle with fax machines on a daily basis, but that could soon be coming to an end. The government has yielded to doctor-led pressure group Axe the Fax and has decided to outlaw the purchasing of fax technology within the NHS from next year, with the aim of getting rid of the ancient hard messaging system completely by 2020. Read More >>

O2 Says its Data Network is Working Again and it May Bung Users Some Free Data as an Apology

O2 has said that its UK 4G network is up and running again after yesterday's universal collapse, so our little glimpse into the horrifying blackouts of the future and the crash of all mobile services is over. No one died, did they? We can find where to go without Google Maps, can't we? Read More >>