Dad Creates App to Demand Child Returns Calls

An angry dad has come up with a way of making sure his child responds to his messages. He's built an app that makes the phone go berserk and sets off all the alarms until the child responds. Read More >>

Bournemouth Pier Enters the Marvel Universe

Bournemouth Pier shall now forever be known as the place where a massive Spider-Man had an ice cream, as the local tourist board thought that a vast mural of the Marvel character might be a good way of luring families into the area. Read More >>

The Government Has it in for Pizzas Next

The government's health thinktank is preparing to launch a new series of finger-wagging attacks on the food the nation eats, with war about to be declared on the calorie content of pizzas, ready meals and burgers. Read More >>

UK Vulnerable to Air Attack as Entire Spitfire Fleet is Grounded

The UK's entire fleet of officially maintained RAF Spitfires -- all six of them -- is currently out of action, meaning an enemy nation could gain air superiority over the skies of Britain at any time. Read More >>

12,000 Argos Workers Due a Minimum Wage Payout

Something good is about to happen to people who work for Argos for a change, as the retailer has been outed as the UK's worst staff under-payer -- meaning around 12,000 of its employees are about to get a share of the payback kitty. Read More >>

Armed Police Will Patrol the V Festival

The calm festival atmosphere might be a little bit more stressful than usual this year at the forthcoming V event, as the local police force has confirmed that armed officers will be patrolling the area. Just in case it all kicks off when Craig David insists on playing 90 minutes of new material. Read More >>

BBC and C4 in Cookery Scheduling Custard Pie Fight

The bizarre TV cookery battle that's going on between the BBC and Channel 4 is still rumbling away, even now Bake Off and its BBC recreation are both about to be broadcast after a year of wrangling. Read More >>

Another Dead Old Thing Named After Sir David Attenborough

It won't be long until all the creatures that ever existed are named after the BBC's legendary wildlife expert, as he's just bagged another one — a damselfly that lived around 100 million years ago. Read More >>

Scottish Panda in Zookeeper “Near-Miss”

One of the pandas staying in the Edinburgh Zoo bedsit very nearly found itself in a position to have something a bit meatier alongside its traditional diet, as a door-opening mix up led to a member of zoo staff getting caught in the panda's enclosure while the beast was out and about. Read More >>

Art Installation Swears at Pedestrians as it Can’t Understand t’Yorkshire Accent

A piece of public art in Hull that uses voice-to-text technology to display messages has obviously gone wrong, because everything in the history of voice recognition always does and always will, especially outside of the south-east corner of the country. Read More >>

The Walnut-less Walnut Whip is 2017’s Latest Food Catastrophe

There's a new food thing to be angry about, and this one attacks old people favourite the Walnut Whip. Due to a perfect storm combination of higher walnut prices, exchange rate fluctuations, poor harvests and increasing levels of nut allergies in the developed world, there's now a version of it WITHOUT THE WALNUT. Read More >>

Japanese Super Fungus Takes Hold in Our Hospitals

Scientists have found a new type of fungus. Ahh, how cute. They'll probably name it after David Attenborough and... no wait. This is a bad one and it already has a name. Read More >>

Pineapples Banned from Main UK Festivals

The Reading and Leeds festivals have added a few items to the 2017 banned list, with the most unusual of all being the pineapple. But why? Because after loads of random drugs they may look like hand grenades? Are they considered blunt weapons? Is it some sort of crackdown on foodstuffs with a high glycemic index? Read More >>

Prince Purple is Now an Officially Recognised Colour

The particular blend of purple most favoured by legendary musician Prince is now on one official part of the colour spectrum, thanks to immortalisation in the professional charts administered by the colour guide experts at the Pantone Institute. Read More >>

Ryanair Begs Airport Pubs to Stop Selling Booze for Breakfast

The traditional 7:35am pre-holiday flight three-pint nerve-calmer session could be under threat, as budget flier Ryanair is trying to convince passengers and the travel industry at large that stopping airport pubs from selling booze first thing in the morning is a good idea. Read More >>