Wimbledon’s Strawberries are Growing Underground

This year's fruity Wimbledon treat for attendees is being sourced from a new provider not too far away from the tennis hotbed, via a farm a few miles away -- and a few metres below -- the famous venue. Read More >>

Martin Freeman Sells Soul to Vodafone

Martin Freeman, who will either be Tim From The Office, Watson, or a Hollywood celebrity to you, is the star of Vodafone's new UK TV advert, and the first celeb it's used to sell minutes and texts for years, if you don't count that CG Yoda. Read More >>

Armed Police Start Patrolling the UK’s Trains

British Transport Police is upping its visibility in the UK, announcing that it's to start having armed police patrolling the overground trains, like we're in some sort of futuristic society-gone-bad sci-fi thriller but with shitter Wi-Fi. Read More >>

Gatwick Leaves Bags Behind to Make Everyone Extra Miserable This Weekend

Gatwick airport has been deliberately sending people off to their destinations without their bags this morning, because its baggage system wasn't working properly for a few hours. Read More >>

Keep Calm and Float on if You Fall in the Sea

Flailing about and shouting for help while trying to hold your phone above the surface of the water is exactly what you should not do if you fall in the sea according to the RNLI, which says that if you accidentally plop off the end of a pier you should try to stay calm and concentrate on serenely floating for a while. Read More >>

UK Gamblers Gave Away £13.8bn Last Year

Figures assembled by the Gambling Commission show either what a great or terrible job it's doing, with British gamblers spending, losing or giving away an enormous total of £13.8bn in one year. No wonder everyone's so poor these days that the knees are all ripped and worn away on their trousers. Read More >>

Abusing MPs is Everyone’s New Favourite Hobby

Stats collating tweets sent to our beloved MPs show the sheer weight of abuse they face on a daily basis, with as many as one in 20 of all messages they receive through Twitter being classified as abusive. That's almost as much of a kicking as the games journalists get when they say a new Assassin's Creed is shit. Read More >>

Qualcomm Tests a Wireless Charging Road

Mobile tech giant Qualcomm has pulled off an interesting stunt in the world of electric cars, claiming to have created the first wireless-charging bit of road. Read More >>

Birmingham Wood in Lockdown Due to Drugs and Dogging

The bluebells of Uffmoor Wood in Halesowen will be going unsniffed and unphotographed from now on, as the Woodland Trust has locked off the site because it was being used by locals in the wrong way. Read More >>

How Long Have You Been With Your Mobile Network?

Carphone Warehouse says the average 18-30-year-old has been in a monogamous mobile phone contract with the same network for just over four years, as the pain of swapping and potentially not having a fun thing to look at for a few hours or days is too much to risk. What's your mobile relationship best? Read More >>

iPads in Schools are not the Nightmare Dad Imagines

iPads in primary schools are not the learning-ending, gateway into adult iTunes dependency, Apple brand loyalty and sedentary health crisis trigger that dad thinks they are, with a survey of young kids in Northern Ireland finding that the key skills of children rose across the board after the tablets were introduced. Read More >>

Smoking Nottingham Building is Art, Not on Fire

Italian artist Lara Favaretto had an idea for something to do and call art. She's enjoying a run of her latest project at the Nottingham Contemporary Arts Centre, in which steam is pumped out into the surrounding streets. This probably says something important about life, feminism, war, genital mutilation, Donald Trump and veganism, but to passersby it also says SHIT THE BUILDING IS ON FIRE, so people are calling the fire brigade on some art. Read More >>

Plastic Straws are the “Ultimate in Wastefulness” and Should be Taxed to Death

The little plastic drinking straws that are the highlight of any trip to a pub or restaurant for a child are EVIL, it turns out, and should be taxed out of existence due to the fact that they're tough to recycle and are the sort of fiddly little thing it hardly seems worth recycling anyway, so off to the landfill site for the next million years they go. Read More >>

BBC to Tighten Rules on Free TV for Old People

The BBC has come up with a plan that could earn it an extra £150m a year in license fee income, and the good news is that it attacks those freeloading old people with their pensions and their questionable opinions about people from overseas. Read More >>

Superfestivals Might Check Your Drugs This Year

The likes of the Reading, Leeds and V festivals scheduled to take place this year might join the drug-testing scheme that some smaller events have piloted, with the organiser of some of the country's largest outdoor events saying he's nearly ready to introduce free drug testing across the board. Read More >>