business
Ministry of Defence Says No to Lakes Zip Wires

Those arguing against plans to erect a zip wire ride in the Lake District have had a powerful ally join the team, with the Ministry of Defence lodging an objection against the scheme on the grounds that it could cause a risk to low-flying pilots training in the area. Read More >>

music
Lost £30,000 Violin Returned to Owner by Cash Converters

One particular branch of Cash Converters has spectacularly failed to convert an item into a massive amount of cash, but it's OK. It was for a good cause. Read More >>

music
The Smiths Sort of Reform But Without the Problematic One

Some men will be standing on a stage calling themselves an approximation of The Smiths again this year, although, with the best will in the world, it's not quite the blockbuster reunion the music world both desperately wants and also doesn't really want at all. Read More >>

social media
Government Plans Fake News Social Media Hit Job

The government is preparing to announce the creation of a new division entirely focused on righting the wrongs of the "fake news" culture of today, with the Cabinet Office about to house a crack team of people who do nothing other than spend their days on the internet sighing. Read More >>

social media
Dublin Hotel Outs Instagrammer’s Holiday Blag Attempt

A popular person on the internet with more followers than we've had sad lonely evenings is currently reeling from being said no to, after an attempt to blag a free Valentine's hotel stay in return for a few photos on Instagram backfired. Read More >>

food
Digestives Hit in Latest Brexit Shrinkage Horror

Well the good news is that McVitie's is inadvertently helping fight the obesity epidemic. The bad news is that your standard pack of Digestives is going to be substantially smaller in the near future, joining Jaffa Cakes on the shrinkflation list of shame. Read More >>

transport
First Potential HS2 Architecture Revealed

They really do seem to be serious about building that new chunk of high-speed train track in the UK, with today seeing a key component of the line revealed in the form of concept images of what the 3.4km Colne Valley viaduct might look like. Read More >>

transport
Norwegians Break BA’s Flight Speed Record

One of the bulbous nose-jobbed planes belonging to the Norwegian airline fleet has broken a flight speed record previously held by British Airways, with the Norwegian 787 making the New York-to-London run in record time. As long as you don't count Concorde. Read More >>

animals
Gove Plans Grey Squirrel Genocide

Michael Gove is in charge of what happens to all the animals now, like a modern-day Noah, and is apparently about to declare a mass extinction-level attack on the grey squirrel population. No, you little grey rodent, you are not coming on the Ark. Read More >>

animals
Wolf Accidentally Reintroduced to Berkshire

This is quite a long shot, but if you're one of the type of things wolves eat and you live in or around Beenham in Berkshire you'd better be more careful than usual today, as a wolf has escaped. If you're buying sausages, keep them well wrapped and carry them above head height. Read More >>

internet
Milton Keynes Gets £40m FTTP-For-All Pump

The technically advanced city of Milton Keynes may soon be humming to the sound of smug men performing internet speed tests, as a roll out of a consumer gigabit product that hopes to cover the entire city is about to begin. Read More >>

crime
Police Force Sells Abandoned Underpants, Creased Skirts and DVDs to Fund Operations

Here's a lovely discovery some lucky journalist has made: the official Sussex Police eBay profile, where such glorious items as unclaimed underpants, random DVDs, broken ex-police torches and Beyonce's Midnight Heat as a Valentine's treat can be bought to do your bit to help the force meet its funding shortfall. Read More >>

space
National Railway Museum Branches Out into Space Equipment and VR

The National Railway Museum has just upped its awesomeness score to 11/10, as a new exhibit has joined the venue's original bullet train and inspiring range of steam machines -- Tim Peake's Soyuz module. Read More >>

food
Walkers Crisps Engineers New Crisp Specifically to Complement Beer

Walkers Crisps and owner PepsiCo are having another go at cracking the man-crisp market after several failed attempts at besting entrenched ridged rival McCoy's, with the launch of a crisp the manufacturer claims has been created to be "perfect with beer." Read More >>

art
UK Borrows Posh Bit of Knitting From France

The UK is about to announce something positive to do with Europe, it seems, with sources suggesting a crack team of negotiators has wangled a loan of the Bayeux Tapestry for a future generation of British school children to trudge along and look at. Read More >>