music
Newts Delay Construction of Church of Sheeran

Musical magnolia man Ed Sheeran has been forced to pause development of a little chapel he was planning to build on his estate in Suffolk, thanks to concerns that his expansive ill-gotten grounds may contain colonies of great crested newts. Read More >>

amazon
Church of England Uses Alexa to Pray For Your Soul

Too lazy to pray because it quite clearly doesn't work? Want to get into religion but find muttering to an invisible person a bit silly? Well has the Church of England got the tech solution for you! Alexa can do your prayers now, if you're thinking it might be a good idea to hedge your bets on there actually being an afterlife. Read More >>

wtf
An Enormous Statue of Jesus in Poland Just Got Internet Antennas and No One’s Sure Why

Rising 108 feet in the air, Christ the King is said to be the tallest statue of Jesus in the world. Since 2010, it’s loomed over the residents of Świebodzin, Poland, and it’s apparently already getting some upgrades. Signal broadcasting equipment was recently spotted embedded in the statue’s crown, but no one’s quite sure what’s going on with Jesus 2.0. Read More >>

money
Church of England Accepts Cashless Donations From the Clued-Up Elderly

The Church of England has done something very modern, announcing that it's now accepting contactless payments from today's bewildering array of digital accounts and providers should you wish to give thanks, financially speaking, when the man up front has finished spelling out his metaphor for being good and everyone's had a good old go at When A Knight Won His Spurs. Read More >>

film
Churchy Types Shocked by Cathedral’s Role in Hellboy

The serene towers of Wells Cathedral have been disrupted by filming of late, with parishioners wondering what romantic costume drama perhaps starring Anna Friel, or sedate bakery programme presented by a nice old lady, is being filmed there. The truth, though, is horrifying. They've been shooting Hellboy. In a cathedral. Nazi demons. In a cathedral. Read More >>

the war on christmas
Young People Don’t Care About Religion, New Figures Reveal

Bloody kids today, what are they like? When they're not voting Remain and suffering from a decade of no real terms wage increases, it turns out that one thing they're not doing is going to church. Read More >>

wtf
Let Germany’s Robopriest Offer You Guidance and Protection 

Unlike many of today’s workers, priests probably thought their jobs were safe from automation. Well, they thought wrong. In Wittenberg, Germany, one church has taken to automating spiritual guidance, creating a new robot, called the Bless U-2, that offers robotic benedictions to its fleshy parishioners. Read More >>

games
Cynical Churches Host Pokemon Go “Pokeparties” to Brainwash Kids into Organised Religion

Ever keen to try to get people under the age of 69 into its establishments, the Church of England has issued some guidelines on the extremely modern phenomenon of Pokemon Go to its members -- suggesting that local parishes might like to try organising Pokeparties to attract young players to the vicinity of a church to do something other than urinating and vandalism. Read More >>

watch this
Terrifying Climb Up the Old Spire of the World’s Tallest Church

It’s not as scary tall as climbing oversized skyscrapers, but climbing churches can be just as frightening. That's because the buildings are so much older and the spire is totally not meant to be climbed. Plus, what if one of those things he stood on just snapped off because, well, they’re old? Read More >>

star wars
Church Holds Star Wars-Themed Service to Get Young People Into God

A church in Berlin has jumped on the being about Star Wars bandwagon, asking fans to come dressed in their most daring Slave Leia costumes to celebrate Jesus and all that in a special themed service for people who can't think of anything else but the sci-fi franchise at the moment. Read More >>

environment
God’s Sales Reps Give Up on Fossil Fuels

The Church of England is the latest organisation to announce a plan to divest itself of financial investments in the fossil fuels world, with the managers of the ISA of God set to dump holdings in companies that do business in oil and coal markets. Read More >>

uncategorized
Is McDonald’s the Future of the Church?

A man has come up with an idea on how to reverse falling church attendances -- say there's a horrible place called "Hell" you go to when you die if you don't attend regularly. Actually no, that's the old way. The new idea is to open a McDonald's franchise inside a church, because people today like burgers more than Jesus. Read More >>

architecture
Does This Geometric Church Look Like a ‘Stegosaurus Doing Yoga’?

The aptly-named 100 Walls Church in Cebu, Philippines, is like an architectural Rorschach test: from far away, it looks like shards of shale rock rearranged by an extreme rationalist. Up close, it's something closer to an oversized geometric maze. CAZA Architects, who designed the building, describe it on their site as "a Stegosaurus doing yoga." Namaste. Read More >>

twitter
Church of England Issues the Nine Commandments of Twitter Behaviour

We're not sure if these Twitter commandments have actually come from God via the CofE or are just the work of a social media intern, so take them with a tablet of salt. What the list of nine Social Media Guidelines does offer, though, is the church's take on how staff (and everyone else) can avoid getting outed on Newsnight for being stupid online. Read More >>