School Union Says “No Way” Will Everything Be Normal by September Term

The Association of School and College Leaders has told dads not to get their hopes up about the children going back to school full time any time soon, as it says this half-arsed June start for England is likely to be a right old on/off mess – and you can write off September too if you're hoping for a quiet cup of tea back in bed by 9:00am once the kids have gone. Read More >>

Head Teachers Laugh at Idea of Reopening Schools on June 1

The floating-about idea that some or all of the England's primary schools might open to some or all of England's children by June 1 has been rubbished by the nation's head teachers, who say it's basically impossible to limit class sizes in accordance with government advice. Read More >>

Headteachers and Parents Don’t Want the Schools to Reopen Yet

One enterprising headteacher has been around his classroom with a tape measure, and has found that his averagely sized room could only house five children if the two metre social distancing rule was to be applied to schools. He has 25 kids in a class, so can't see a way to reopen for business in any practical form. Read More >>

Schools Watchdog Wants the Kids Back in ASAP

The head of schooling police Ofsted is a bit worried about the generation of kids currently at home being taught dad things like the proper insertion of rawl plugs and how to win at turnip trading instead of maths, with Ofsted boss Amanda Spielman saying a return to full out-of-house school "as soon as possible" is in the best interests of the children. Read More >>

BBC Creates Massive Celeb-Backed Homeschooling Lessons Portal

The BBC is sailing casually to the rescue of parents trying to work from home, and school their kids, and write internet comments about how the BBC should be dismantled (apart from the units responsible for Doctor Who), as the broadcaster has dumped what it believes to be 14 weeks' worth of interactive lessons online. Hand them a screen and sit in the garden. World's Best Dad 2020 award in the bag by April already. Read More >>

Kids Taking Online Classes are Being Supplied With Free Laptops if They Need Them

Your kids may have already been at home for what feels like an eternity, but it's only been a month. And after having expecting them to show up for online schooling for the past few weeks, the Department for Education is just now offering laptops or tablets for Year 10 students who don't have the necessary equipment at home. Read More >>

Not Everyone Can Go to School Online

With the spread of the coronavirus, schools in the UK have shut their physical premises for health and safety reasons, and across the Atlantic many schools have followed suit as well. Last week, the governor of the US state of Washington, Jay Inslee, announced that the state’s schools would remain closed for the remainder of the school year, mandating that the state’s more than 1 million students in primary and secondary education would be learning from home through the end of June. These students are in good company: To date, more than a dozen US states have shuttered a collective tens of thousands of schools for the remainder of the year or until further notice in an attempt to stem the coronavirus’s spread. Many schools are turning to virtual lessons to get students the information they need from home. Read More >>

The Inevitable ‘Homeschooling Ruined by Sex Pest’ News is Here

A grim man ruined the virtual homeschooling dream of one group of Norwegian children and has given them an additional scar to bear for life, after apparently guessing the unique address of an online meeting room and exposing himself in the middle of shared story time, or colouring time, or whatever time it actually was. Read More >>

Don’t Send Your Kids to School Next Week, Because They’ll Be Shut

After a few weeks of wondering and blustering about whether it should be done or not, Boris Johnson has finally pulled the plug on kids going to school. For the time being at least, and all you parents who are going to be stuck working from home with your kids have coronavirus to blame. Read More >>

UK University Staff Start Two-Week Strike

There's even less urgency to get to lectures than usual in many of the UK's universities this week, thanks to strike action by as many as 50,000 staff – from librarians to lecturers – calling for better treatment by those that own and manage the campuses. Read More >>

Braille Lego Bricks are Coming to Schools in August [Updated]

Update: Lego got in touch to correct this story, confirming that Lego braille will be hitting schools in the UK, US, Denmark, Norway, Germany, France, and Brazil this August. Other trials are set to launch next year, bit it's the August one that's most interesting to us. We apologise for the error and any confusion it may have caused. Read More >>

High School Teacher Holds Class by Videochat While in Coronavirus Quarantine

A high school math teacher in Australia who recently visited China has found a novel way to keep his students engaged while he sits in self-imposed quarantine over concerns that he visited a country with high concentrations of the new coronavirus. He’s conducting his class through videochat while sitting 5 miles away in his own home. Read More >>

Why Are Some People Better at Learning Multiple Languages Than Others?

Some people pick up languages like colds, or sunburns – without effort, through simple immersion in the atmosphere. Others can’t hear the word ‘conjugate’ without flashing back, in shame, to the classrooms where they failed, so long ago, to shake the curse of monolingualism. What exactly is it that allows the first group to stride around making small talk in Spanish and reading Kafka in the German while the rest of us struggle with just one language? For this week’s Giz Asks, we reached out to a number of language experts to find out. Read More >>

Posh School Offers Online A-Levels for £15,000 a Year

Children too lazy or too posh to attend their A-Level courses in person will soon be able to do it all online, should mummy and daddy be able to find £15,000 a year for the privilege of earning their child a certificate from London's elite proving ground of Harrow School. Read More >>

Cheating Police Want All Watches Banned From School Exams

An inquiry into the many and varied methods used to cheat our ways though life has suggested banning all watches from exam rooms, because in this day and age, it's hard to tell what is a cheap analogue Swatch, and what is in fact an always-online smart computer pretending to be a cheap feature Casio by displaying an HD image of a cheap feature Casio. Read More >>