lego
The 2018 England Squad Have Been Added to Miniland at Legoland Windsor

Despite all the people who jumped on the bandwagon after England started doing well in the World Cup, our national team did not win the tournament. France did, and England got beaten by Belgium (again) to come in fourth. Still it's the best result the team has managed since 1990, and some footbally types are quite pleased with the results regardless. Not as much as if they'd won, but still. So lots of things are being done to celebrate, including adding the team to the Miniland area of Legoland Windsor. Read More >>

sport
TfL Copies Internet World Cup Joke a Week Late

Transport for London would like everyone to know that it has a sense of humour, albeit one on a 10-day time delay circuit because all jokes must be approved, and it would also like brands with deep pockets to know it isn't against the idea of renaming Underground stations for a laugh. Hence: Gareth Southgate station is now a thing. Read More >>

sport
Football Nearly as Popular as Weddings and Death

The football last night, that was exciting for a bit, annoying for a bit, then sad for what seemed like ages, was one of the country's most-watched TV experiences in a generation, with a peak of 26.5 million people gathering around the big old boxes in the corner of the living room to watch England's ball battle with Croatia. Read More >>

porn
People Like World Cup Football More Than Porn, According to Pornhub Stats

There are only a handful of things I know for certain about the human race. For example I know that there is no limit to the depths of human stupidity, and that a lot of people are quite fond of both porn and football. But which of those last two is more popular? According to Pornhub's World Cup stats it's football. Which probably isn't too surprising after EE pointed out people are ditching the internet during match time. Read More >>

nostalgia
Here’s The Tech We Were Using Last Time England Reached A World Cup Semi-Final

The 4th July 1990, the last time England reached the World Cup semi-final, was a very different time. Take politics, for example: The Conservative Party was massively divided over Europe, and their female Prime Minister's leadership was under threat from malcontents within her own party. How can we possibly begin to understand what that might feel like today? Read More >>

sport
Wimbledon Says You Can Watch Football on Your Phone if Made to Endure Live Tennis

Football fans! Specifically, football fans whose wives booked very expensive tickets for Wimbledon ages ago and now you sort of have to go. There's some good news about this. The authorities at the tennis tournament have said that it will be OK to activate your phone and watch the football while in the grounds of Wimbledon, as long as you can manage to not stand up and go "F*CKING SQUARE IT DELLE JESUS CHRIST MAN ON" while someone's serving at 30-40 down. Read More >>

sport
Aldi and Lidl Will Close Early if England Make it to the World Cup Final

I'm rather surprised that England have done so well in this World Cup, and so have large number of people across the country given how quickly the hype levels have gone from zero to over 9,000. While the country preps for the possibility that England may actually be in a chance of winning, and with Labour calling for a bank holiday if they do, Aldi and Lidl have decided that they'll get things going early by shutting their stores early if England makes it to the final. Read More >>

sport
MP Calls on Government to Install Big TVs Everywhere for the Football

A Labour MP has had an idea about how politics can be used for good instead of clogging up the internet with tedious, unfocused rage about Brexit -- get the government to give funds to local councils to erect massive football screens for people to watch the World Cup on. Seeing as the England team is not, at time of writing, considered to be as bad at football as usual. Read More >>

tv
20m Fans Tuned Into BBC One to Watch England Beat Sweden in Their World Cup Quarter Final

Alright, that figure is a tiny bit of a fib. The actual number of folk who tuned into the Beeb to watch England vanquish the Swedes 2-0 was a 'mere' 19.9 million; a peak high recorded as the quarter-final match of this thrilling World Cup was ending. Read More >>

food
Ikea is Celebrating the England v Sweden Game With a ‘Plate of Two Halves’ Meal Deal

Tomorrow is the next stage of the World Cup for England, where it's going to be going up against Sweden, and to celebrate that clash notorious furniture maze Ikea will be offering a special 'plate of two halves' meal deal. So anyone who orders a plate of Ikea's famous meatballs (or the veggie ball alternative) will also get a plate of fish and chips thrown in at no extra cost. Read More >>

sport
Theatre Audience Members Shamed for Watching England’s Penalties on Mobiles

Two women attending a highbrow musical theatre production have enraged the ack-tors playing on stage, thanks to shouting "Yes!" and presumably doing a small clenched-fist gesture during the England football team's recent World Cup penalty success. Read More >>

sports
4/10 British Men Don’t Know Harry Kane is the England Football Captain

When you think of football you probably think of a sport dominated by men, both on the field and in the stands. But that's not really the case. Despite the fact England is often considered a football-centric society, a new survey finds that's not the case. In fact quite a lot of people are big fat phoneys. Read More >>

sport
These Are The Most Geographically Stupid World Cup Matches

Last Thursday, England played a football match against Belgium, one of our closest friends and allies. In fact, Belgium is so close that you can get from London to Brussels in less time than it takes to get to York. You don’t even need to catch a plane. So… isn’t it a bit weird that both teams, hundreds of officials and thousands of fans had to trek all the way to Kaliningrad - a Russian exclave you were only dimly aware actually existed - in order to play each other? Read More >>

sport
Here’s Why Jermaine Jenas Is The Football Pundit You Should Listen To This World Cup

Tonight's the night. At 7pm, England kick off their World Cup campaign in a game against Tunisia. Millions of people will tune in, and millions of opinions on the country's chances will be opined - but who should you listen to? Is Ian more Wright than Wrong when he says that England need to push forward and create more chances? Should Gary Linker stick to hawking crisps rather than opining on England's chances? How can we tell who to listen to? Read More >>

sport
How to Fake a Conversation About Football

It's happening again, that time of every-fourth-year when even us people who have only ever kicked a ball in anger once -- and it hurt our toes through our trainers because we apparently did it wrong -- have to talk about football. Here's how you might be able to get away with it. Read More >>