Environmentalists Demand Fridge Doors

The big old racks of cold bottled beverages in our supermarkets and the convenient newsagent are today's target for environmentalists, who have run the maths on their solar calculators and found that these doorless chillers consume one whole percent of the nation's entire energy supply. A cold Ribena is often important, but perhaps not so important that it keeps the national grid straining to cope. Read More >>

Primark’s New Birmingham Store Is so Popular That Holiday Websites Are Adding It as a Destination

Ever since Primark opened its largest store in Birmingham, the shop has become quite the attraction, with a number of travel agencies cashing in on the excitement by offering excursions to the store. Read More >>

The Money Shop Shuts Because Everyone Hates it

427 staff serving in more than 100 branches of The Money Shop – which recently pivoted from payday loan provider to a more traditional classic pawnbroker operation – are facing redundancy, as the chain literally surrenders under the weight of negative public opinion. Read More >>

Amazon Rides in to Save the High Street it Previously Destroyed in Series 2, Episode 6

Amazon has seen an opportunity for growth in the UK, seeing as rents are cheap out there on the high street beneath decaying signs that say things like "Maplin" and "BHS," and is backing the opening of 10 pop-up shops to test the public's appetite for carrying their new stuff home with them like in the old days. Read More >>

WHSmith Ranked as Worst High Street Name

7,700 people who still actually walk to the shops, buy things in person then carry them home like they're brave hunters coming back to the village with a warm deer carcass, were asked for their opinions about the state of the shops down there. They came to largely the same conclusion – WHSmith is literally the worst. Read More >>

Primark is Finally Considering Online Shopping

It's taken them until the eve of the apocalypse, but Primark has finally noticed it's 2019 and decided it should maybe look into this online shopping thing. Read More >>

Ocado Boss Warns Mike Ashley Off Buying High Street Remnants

Lord Stuart Rose, who's currently the chairman of in-demand online retailer Ocado and was once the big boss of behemoth M&S, has staged a mini intervention in the case of Mike Ashley. Rose has given the big "calm down" speech and told the Sports Direct entrepreneur to cool it a bit with his buying-up of faltering high street brands. Read More >>

6,000 High Street Shops Closed in 2018

Data from the UK high street is still quite bleak, you will be amazed to hear, as research shows that 5,833 individual shops closed for business during 2018, with just 3,372 opening to take their place. That's a net loss of 2,481 places to go and get financial advice or sausage rolls from. Read More >>

Debenhams is Saved, But Might Still Have to Sell to Sports Direct

Good news for anyone who likes to buy makeup, sweets, fancy clothes and cast-iron pans all at the same time: Debenhams has figured out a refinancing deal with its lenders, and won't have to close. Read More >>

Patisserie Valerie Rescued By Not-Sports-Direct

Someone is icing a huge sponge cake with the words "THANK FUCK" as we speak, because Patisserie Valerie has been saved. Read More >>

Sports Direct Founder in Talks to Buy HMV

Eventually, the British High Street will consist entirely of Pret and Sports Direct. Read More >>

HMV Parties Like it’s 2013 With Second Administration on the Way

HMV is once again calling in the bankers and accountants to sort out the mess it has made out there on the high street, with the administration process putting the jobs of the chain's 2,200 workers at risk and the entire business under threat of closure or, perhaps worse, purchase by Sports Direct. Read More >>

14 High Street Shops Close Every Day

2,692 of Britain's high street shops closed down in the first six months of 2018, and it looks like the trend is set to continue as some of the UK's biggest names struggle with the worst retail conditions in years. Read More >>

Why Don’t We Just Call the Entire Country “Sports Direct”

Mike Ashley, king of the polyester warehouses and hero of the troubled high street brand, has bought up a fresh batch of premises on the cheap, as he's come in at the last minute again to pull another chain out of financial distress. Bike supplier Evans Cycles is now part of Ashley's kingdom of troubled brands. Read More >>

Up to 50 Debenhams Stores to Close

The British High Street is firmly in the doldrums, and the latest household name to announce a spate of closures to try to recover is Debenhams. The beloved department store joins House of Fraser, WH Smith and many other high street favourites in taking action to shut down stores. Read More >>