kids
Parents Want Their Kids to Tell Them About Homework and Tidying Up

As reported by the BBC, communications app ClassDojo has carried out research to determine the top 10 phrases parents most want to hear come out of their darling children's mouths. ClassDojo surveyed a panel of 1,000 parents to find out the things they'd most like to hear from their school-age children – and the results are mostly about being tidy, doing schoolwork, and generally being perfect little angels. Of course, practically no child in the history of the world has ever uttered any of these sentences. Read More >>

war
Weapons Manufacturers Routinely Sponsor School Lessons

Companies that make a living selling bombs at least on the side are the target of an investigation by the Campaign Against Arms Trade, which says the likes of BAE, Raytheon and Thales are sponsoring learning sessions for primary school children in what would appear to be an attempt to groom kids for careers as warhead assemblers. Read More >>

ebay
Parents Are Buying Kids More Jigsaws and Tents in Futile Battle Against Screens

A pathetic attempt is being made by the parents of the nation to wean their pale and listless children off the screens they've been using to keep them quiet, with shopping portal eBay saying it's seeing sales of outdoorsy items like tents and fishing rods rocket – because mum read something on the Daily Mail that says spending 14 hours a day looking at an iPad Mini might not be the best developmental strategy for a child. Read More >>

lego
Lego Puts Money into Pretending Lego is Proper Engineering

Lego has joined in with government initiative the Year of Engineering to promote Lego to kids -- like they need any more encouragement -- with the dangled carrot of a glamorous future career in engineering if your child actually understands how the electronics behind the educational sets work. Read More >>

health
Media MP Rules Out Screen-Time Laws for Kids

Law-facilitating culture node Matt Hancock MP has ruled out interfering with our current tablet and smartphone babysitting system, with the culture secretary saying there's no need for formal legislation to limit, or attempt to limit, the percentage of their lives that children fritter away watching braying cocks pretending to be excited about unwrapping a Twix on YouTube. Read More >>

tv
Goodbye, Peppa Pig

My seven-year-old daughter has gotten into some straight-up terrible TV shows of late. While I’m glad one of them is a magical-girl show like Sailor Moon, which organically extends her genre palette, it’s absolutely awful. I long for simpler times — times when I’d watch Peppa Pig with her. Read More >>

BBC
BBC Successfully Anaesthetises Kids With Ambient Classic Daydreams

The BBC has released some sort of experimental ASMR video for kids in the form of Daydreams, a baffling, YouTube-like experiment backed by ambient music that's designed to put children to sleep. Or at least shut them up and keep them still enough so that mum and dad can enjoy 58 minutes of quality smartphone time. Read More >>

youtube
YouTube Basically Admits Algorithms Aren’t Such Good Babysitters After All

In its latest attempt to please anxious parents, YouTube is finally offering an option to (slightly) favour human moderators over algorithms in its app for kids. The YouTube Kids app now lets parents limit the selection of channels kids can watch to those that are human-curated. Along with some other changes, this should make it less likely that junior sees a video of Peppa the Pig drinking bleach during screen time. Read More >>

apps
Researchers Conclude Google’s Play Store Is Likely Chock Full of Apps That Improperly Track Children

Thousands of apps may be tracking the online activity of children in ways that violate US privacy laws, according to a recent survey of Android apps available on the Google Play store. Read More >>

phones
A Quarter of Toddlers Have a Better Phone Than You

Old people: prepare to shake your heads so much so that you do your neck in for a week, as new research into the popularity of phones among children has been released; revealing that around 25 per cent of children under the age of six have their own smartphone. Read More >>

youtube
YouTube Kids Will Finally Offer a Mode Where Actual Humans Actually Bother to Vet the Videos

After months of harsh coverage of the malicious or inappropriate content that keeps popping up on YouTube Kids, ranging from videos of Peppa Pig drinking bleach to David Icke conspiracy rants, Google seems to have partially conceded and is planning on rolling out a human-curated version of the app. Read More >>

fitbit
Fitbit Tracks Kids Now

It’s a sad fact that westerners aren't getting any healthier. So it’s not really a surprise that Fitbit has created the Ace, a kids’ activity tracker that could help parents combat childhood obesity. That said, the idea that parents should be injecting one more gadget into their kids’ lives still seems a bit weird. Read More >>

health
Modern Kids Can Barely Hold a Pencil

The young kids of today spend so little time drawing and colouring in that they're arriving at school with fingers too weak to hold pencils properly, with researchers warning that the new generation's love of technology is ruining their fine muscle control and finger dexterity. Read More >>

education
Teacher Hates His Spoilt Posh Rich Kids

The headteacher of a £30k-a-year boarding home for the offspring of the elite doesn't seem to enjoy teaching them very much, as he's branded his students a bunch of lazy, entitled wannabes who lack the determination to do anything more with their lives than sit back and watch the likes roll in. Read More >>

science
How Children Feel When They Are High

As both recreational and medicinal marijuana use becomes more accepted in American society—a trend that’s definitely for the better—it’s also making something that isn’t so great more common: Very young kids getting high, usually by accident. Recently, a 9-year-old Albuquerque girl ate and shared her grandfather’s pot gummies with five classmates after mistaking them for regular candy. She went to the school nurse feeling sick and “very dizzy,” and teachers eventually sussed out what happened. This and other incidents made us wonder: Does pot make young children “high” in the same way it does adults? Read More >>