science
Newly Discovered Giant Sea Pancake Looks Goofy as Hell

Sunfish are the living, breathing incarnate of a dad joke—it’s kind of funny, but you feel disappointed in yourself for laughing at it because it’s painfully silly. Known as the world’s largest bony fish, ocean sunfish—which make up the genus mola—look like a drunk person’s rendition of a fish, or rather, a person who’s never seen a fish’s rendition of a fish. Read More >>

animals
Sad New Deep Sea Shark Reminds Us We Can’t All Be Great Whites

The tiger shark patrols the seas alone at night, prepared to eat anything from a bird to a dolphin. The goblin shark live in the ocean’s canyons and abysses, grabbing prey by surprise with its extendable jaws. A great white shark can grow as large as a Mercedes. Read More >>

science
This Could Be Why Orcas Have Been Eating Great White Sharks in South Africa

A South African shark-watching hotspot has recently turned into the scene of a seaside horror movie. For several months, enormous great white shark corpses have been washing up on the Gansbaai beaches, often missing their livers as if feasted upon by cetacean Hannibal Lecters. But this is no movie—it’s just biology, ruthless as ever. Read More >>

animals
Snooty, World’s Oldest Known Manatee, Dies at 69

We have all been robbed of one Snooty, the beautiful, beloved 69-year-old manatee believed to be not only the world’s oldest manatee living in captivity, but the oldest in the world. Read More >>

science
Hagfish Slime is Wonderful

Sadly, a flatbed truck dumping 7,500 lbs of live hagfish onto a highway in Oregon will not be the weirdest story of 2017. It will not even be close. Still, the situation warrants some kind of scientific explanation, since it’s not every day that the mucus of a living fossil destroys a Prius. Read More >>

science
New Deep Sea Hermit Crabs Have Super Weird Homes

Most hermit crabs live their lives in an endless episode of House Hunters, switching from one shell to the next. A newly discovered species of hermit crab, however, chooses to live in an unusual abode that’s actually also alive. Together, the home and its crustacean tenant live in a symbiotic relationship that appears to be infinitely less stressful than any TV programme on Sky Living. Read More >>

science
The Amazing Reason Deep Sea Corals Glow In the Dark

Lots of creatures glow in the ocean’s depths, where sunlight is slim to nil. But while most of these abyssal lightbulbs use their neon powers to hunt or avoid being hunted, deepwater corals may have beat everything else down there in terms of evolutionary creativity. New research indicates these corals glow in order to eat the meagre sunlight, turning their tissues into grow chambers that nourish tiny plants in a beam of artificial luminosity. Read More >>

science
Nightmarish Sea Spiders Pump Their Blood Using Their Guts

Earth’s oceans are well-stocked with otherworldly inhabitants, but few of these critters are quite as strange as sea spiders, which look like something that would lurk in the crawlspace under Slender Man’s house. With their impossibly spindly legs, sea spiders—which aren’t even actual spiders—stride across the ocean floor with eerily slow, deliberate steps. They eat by piercing stationary animals like sea anemones and sponges with their long proboscises, and sucking up chunks of tissue softened by digestive juices. Now, new research published in the journal Current Biology piles onto the weirdness, demonstrating that sea spiders move blood and oxygen around their bodies not by pumping their hearts, but by pumping their guts. Read More >>

environment
The Impacts of Deep Ocean Mining Will ‘Last Forever,’ Scientists Warn

The search for raw materials to feed the all-powerful Sarlacc of capitalism is pushing industries to increasingly remote and alien environments. One of the most exciting frontiers to emerge of late is the deep ocean—rife with valuable metals like copper and zinc, as well as the rare Earth elements that drive our smartphones and computers. But as humanity’s interest in plundering the deep of its riches heats up, scientists are warning that this new gold rush will have serious consequences. Read More >>

science
Lionfish Are Eating Fish We Didn’t Even Know Existed

Lionfish have very low standards and will eat anything in sight. Although they’re originally from the Indian and Western Pacific Oceans, these vacuum cleaners have been flopping around the Atlantic for the last 25 years, probably because people dumped them from their home aquariums. They’re so stupidly hungry and abundant that sometimes, they just eat other lionfish. This would be fine if these venomous beasts just kept to themselves, but because they have very few predators in their new home, lionfish get to ruin everything else around them, too. Seriously, they’re such a nightmare that scientists are trying to fight them with robots. Read More >>

science
Incredibly Rare Albino Dolphin Spotted in California Being Adorable

In 2015, whale watchers off the coast of California’s Monterey Bay caught a glimpse of an albino baby Risso dolphin. Now, the all-white flipper has made another appearance and damn is it cute. They grow up so fast! Read More >>

science
Two-Headed Porpoise Just Wants Love, Validation

Last month, a group of Dutch fishermen discovered a double-headed harbour porpoise (Phocoena phocoena). The unusual little fellow was definitely DOA, and fearing that keeping it would get them in trouble, the fishermen took a few photos of the beast and threw it back in the ocean. What the crew didn’t realise was they’d found the first case of dicephalic parapagus — or partial twinning — in harbour porpoises. Read More >>

science
‘Panda’ Porpoise Could Be Extinct In Months

Vaquitas are cartoonish-looking porpoises that swim around, bothering literally no one. These little guys, which only weigh about 120 pounds, are found in just one region in the world — the Northern Gulf of California. Their nickname — the “panda” porpoise — comes from the dark rings around their eyes, similar to that of the much-beloved bear. Sadly, over the years, vaquita numbers have plummeted dramatically due to unscrupulous fishing practices and as a result, there are less than 30 left in the wild—according to the World Wildlife Foundation (WWF), unless urgent action is taken, the porpoises could be extinct by next July. Read More >>

science
Science Reveals the Right Way to Treat a Man O’ War Jelly Sting

Stings from Portuguese man o’ war jellyfish are as common as they are dangerous, yet there’s a lack of consensus over the best way to treat these painful pricks. New research published in the journal Toxins reveals that stings from the man o’ war (Physalia species) shouldn’t be treated any differently than stings from other jellies, a conclusion that upends conventional wisdom. And no, peeing on yourself is not recommended. Read More >>

animals
This Video of Cuttlefish Trying to Bang Will Scar You For Life

When you hear “cuttlefish,” naturally, you think “cuddly,” right? Turns out these charming little cephalopods can—and will—throw down if they have to, especially when it involves mating. In a newly-released video, two male cuttlefish suitors duke it out for a lady, and there’s nothing that can prepare you for the violent ending. Read More >>