food
Quorn Joins the Beetroot Blood Burger Trend

The people at Quorn, who must be a bit pissed off that meat alternatives are so popular now when they've been doing them for ages, is launching a newer, fatter, bloodier* burger for all the new vegans we have nowadays. Read More >>

food
Is it Time to Make Meat Obsolete?

Let’s face it, vegans can have a bad rep. To the majority of meat eaters, vegans conjure up images of insufferable, preachy, pale-skinned students who smell of B.O. and mushrooms. The types that wear organic hemp clothing that was crafted by Peace Lily back at the ashram, and they will thrust their gluten-free agave lentil biscuits at you to try and tempt you to hop the fence. Sadly, these tend to be drier than the Kalahari desert and have the flavour profile of plasterboard. Read More >>

food
MPs Call For Entirely Unnecessary Ban on Eating Dogs

Apparently, it isn't technically illegal to eat dog meat in this country, a fact that shouldn't really need pointing out as it's honestly never really occurred to anyone. Dogs are for patting, walking, and social content generation, not stews. But the fact is being pointed out by international animal protection charities, so, always keen to enact the will of the people, our MPs are trying to make sure that the UK's dog-eating legal loophole is soon closed. Read More >>

science
Scientists Stabbed Cactus Spines Into Meat to Study Evolution

One benefit of working at a university with an agricultural school is the availability of meat. That’s especially useful if you need something to stab cactus spines into. Read More >>

animals
Australian Police Perform CPR on Drowning Kangaroo

I know very little about Australia, aside from the fact that it’s basically a weirder United States with a feral cat problem. But I’m familiar enough to know that Australian police resuscitating a drowning kangaroo with CPR at the beach is about as Australian as it gets. Read More >>

food
Asda Moves to Make a Giant Sausage the Centrepiece of Christmas

Look, right, the reason this is on a so-called tech site is because sausages are made by machines. I know this because Gregg did an Inside the Factory all about the making of sausages, and it was all stainless steel and surprisingly high-tech machinery churning out the beloved meat tubes. Hence Asda making a foot-long pig in a blanket is definitely tech news you need to know. Read More >>

food
Fake Stews: Sainsbury’s to Sell Vegan Meats Alongside the Animal Originals

Vegans are going to have more than the usual two things to choose from in the near future, as supermarket Sainsbury's is preparing to flood the food feeds of the UK with a new range of fake meats designed to be nearer to the taste and feel of the real thing. Read More >>

food
Morrisons Increases Breakfast Sausage Content by 50 Per Cent

The number of sausages you get with the new Morrisons cooked breakfast has defied current food industry shrinkage trends and increased, with the supermarket's newly launched Big Daddy breakfast option raising the sausage count from two to three. And they say the UK can no longer innovate. Read More >>

food
Snowbound Greggs Delivery Driver Hands Out Food to Trapped Motorists

A particularly British type of super hero was spotted at work on the sides of the snow-hit A1 just outside Berwick-upon-Tweed this week, where a Greggs delivery driver made the days of stranded motorists by opening up the back of his lorry and handing out the contents. It's like Christmas all over again. Read More >>

food
KFC Suppliers Ironically Showered With Cheap, Plentiful Chicken

So that KFC chicken crisis is still ongoing, which all sounds a bit weird to people who live in the countryside and only eat whatever's in the fridge for dinner. For the employees of one KFC supplier what's most likely to be in their fridges right now is chicken, and masses of it. Because it's being dumped off at a loss. Read More >>

food
KFC Ad Admits it FCK-ed Up

While men with forklift trucks dump rotting chicken into the sea* as people in the suburbs starve** in dystopian 2018 UK, the office-based part of the KFC corporation is using the chicken crisis to its advantage by putting out a jolly old ironic advertisement in the newspapers. Read More >>

food
KFC Crisis: Closures on Wednesday 21st Feb & Find Your Nearest Open KFC (Updated)

It's Wednesday the 21st February, and still much of the country is without access to Kentucky Fried Chicken. After the crisis is over, and Britain can go back to eating just about passable fast-food, there will be some serious questions that need to be asked: Do we need a strategic fried chicken reserve? And is Britain prepared for an even more dramatic crisis, like, say, if Nandos declared itself vegetarian? Read More >>

food
Wetherspoons Cancels Steak Across the Nation

Pub chain Wetherspoons threw the dinner plans of a large sector of society into CRISIS last night, as it pulled three types of steak from its menu nationwide. Read More >>

food
A Sausage Tax Could be Coming to Save Us From Ourselves

Experts are already beginning to foreshadow all the bad things that are set to happen in 2018 and the dark years beyond, with one group of financial experts putting forward the belief that global governments will start considering a Meat Tax to attack both global warming and localised fattening. Read More >>

art
Ketchup Christ Adds to Greggs’ Sausage Roll Blasphemy Hell

Artist Nathan Wyburn has weighed in on the bizarre meat baby Jesus story, inspired as he was to pick up a sausage roll and use a portion -- or several portions -- of ketchup to create a figural devotional representation of the face of the adult redeemer. Read More >>