animals
Australian Police Perform CPR on Drowning Kangaroo

I know very little about Australia, aside from the fact that it’s basically a weirder United States with a feral cat problem. But I’m familiar enough to know that Australian police resuscitating a drowning kangaroo with CPR at the beach is about as Australian as it gets. Read More >>

food
Asda Moves to Make a Giant Sausage the Centrepiece of Christmas

Look, right, the reason this is on a so-called tech site is because sausages are made by machines. I know this because Gregg did an Inside the Factory all about the making of sausages, and it was all stainless steel and surprisingly high-tech machinery churning out the beloved meat tubes. Hence Asda making a foot-long pig in a blanket is definitely tech news you need to know. Read More >>

food
Fake Stews: Sainsbury’s to Sell Vegan Meats Alongside the Animal Originals

Vegans are going to have more than the usual two things to choose from in the near future, as supermarket Sainsbury's is preparing to flood the food feeds of the UK with a new range of fake meats designed to be nearer to the taste and feel of the real thing. Read More >>

food
Morrisons Increases Breakfast Sausage Content by 50 Per Cent

The number of sausages you get with the new Morrisons cooked breakfast has defied current food industry shrinkage trends and increased, with the supermarket's newly launched Big Daddy breakfast option raising the sausage count from two to three. And they say the UK can no longer innovate. Read More >>

food
Snowbound Greggs Delivery Driver Hands Out Food to Trapped Motorists

A particularly British type of super hero was spotted at work on the sides of the snow-hit A1 just outside Berwick-upon-Tweed this week, where a Greggs delivery driver made the days of stranded motorists by opening up the back of his lorry and handing out the contents. It's like Christmas all over again. Read More >>

food
KFC Suppliers Ironically Showered With Cheap, Plentiful Chicken

So that KFC chicken crisis is still ongoing, which all sounds a bit weird to people who live in the countryside and only eat whatever's in the fridge for dinner. For the employees of one KFC supplier what's most likely to be in their fridges right now is chicken, and masses of it. Because it's being dumped off at a loss. Read More >>

food
KFC Ad Admits it FCK-ed Up

While men with forklift trucks dump rotting chicken into the sea* as people in the suburbs starve** in dystopian 2018 UK, the office-based part of the KFC corporation is using the chicken crisis to its advantage by putting out a jolly old ironic advertisement in the newspapers. Read More >>

food
KFC Crisis: Closures on Wednesday 21st Feb & Find Your Nearest Open KFC (Updated)

It's Wednesday the 21st February, and still much of the country is without access to Kentucky Fried Chicken. After the crisis is over, and Britain can go back to eating just about passable fast-food, there will be some serious questions that need to be asked: Do we need a strategic fried chicken reserve? And is Britain prepared for an even more dramatic crisis, like, say, if Nandos declared itself vegetarian? Read More >>

food
Wetherspoons Cancels Steak Across the Nation

Pub chain Wetherspoons threw the dinner plans of a large sector of society into CRISIS last night, as it pulled three types of steak from its menu nationwide. Read More >>

food
A Sausage Tax Could be Coming to Save Us From Ourselves

Experts are already beginning to foreshadow all the bad things that are set to happen in 2018 and the dark years beyond, with one group of financial experts putting forward the belief that global governments will start considering a Meat Tax to attack both global warming and localised fattening. Read More >>

art
Ketchup Christ Adds to Greggs’ Sausage Roll Blasphemy Hell

Artist Nathan Wyburn has weighed in on the bizarre meat baby Jesus story, inspired as he was to pick up a sausage roll and use a portion -- or several portions -- of ketchup to create a figural devotional representation of the face of the adult redeemer. Read More >>

giz asks
Is Eating Synthetic Human Flesh Cannibalism? 

A disgusting factor which separates consuming human flesh from consuming muscle tissue of non-speaking animals is that you can’t separate eating dead humans from eating live humans. In the way that you call a baby cow “veal” or a pig “pork,” human flesh is just human flesh—you wouldn’t think about eating Dave’s “rounds” or his “snout,” you would think about eating Dave’s ass and face. Read More >>

food
Aldi Puts a Roast Dinner in a Sausage Roll

Aldi has invented a new weird type of food it thinks the British might like, and to be fair, we probably will eat them cold in the chilled aisle them sheepishly hand over the wrapper to be scanned in at the till, they look that nice. Read More >>

animals
Sainsbury’s Heads for PR Disaster With Kangaroo Burger Launch

Supermarket giant Sainsbury's thinks it's on to a winner with a new low fat meat for the summer barbecue season, in the form of burgers made out of kangaroo flesh. It is not going down well with anti-meat protesters. Read More >>

future food
Eight Futuristic Foods You’ll Be Eating in 30 Years

We ate some weird shit in 2016. A person born in the year 1000 AD definitely wouldn’t comprehend a Dorito. He certainly wouldn’t understand why Frosties are 'grrrreat', and if you showed him a Twinkie, he’d probably burn you at the stake. But the way things are headed, our food is bound to get a lot weirder. Read More >>