Jeremy Hunt is Getting Sick of People Calling Him ‘Jeremy C*nt’ on Live TV

The man who wants to be our next Prime minister, whose last name rhymes with a very rude word, is getting really sick of the many Freudian slips that have been happening on live TV. You know the ones I'm talking about, where people talking about Jeremy Hunt accidentally blurt out 'Jeremy Cunt' and pretend to look embarrassed. Well apparently this may be causing some old schoolyard memories to resurface. Read More >>

The North is Sick of London-Centric Politics and Calls for a Revolution in How It’s Treated

London needs to buck up its ideas and start investing in the north before it starts clamouring for its own king/queen, as newspapers in the region are pressing for a "revolution" in the way the north is treated on their front pages. Read More >>

Most Over-75s are Going to Have to Start Paying for Their TV Licence

We have to pay for a TV licence if we want to watch live TV, regardless of which channel it is, which a fair few people tend to be quite resentful of. But what might make them feel a bit better about coughing up £145 a year is that those older types are going to have to start ponying up the cash too. It's been announced that most over-75s are going to have to start paying for their TV licences from next June. Read More >>

climate change
Trump Both Sides-es Climate Change

There are many things where there are two (or more!) sides to the story. Nazis is not one of them. Neither is climate change. Read More >>

Britain Needs to Sort out Its Own 5G Shit Before Even Thinking About Banning Huawei

Following all of this Huawei furore, health secretary Matt Hancock warns that the UK needs its own British-based rival before ousting the Chinese company's wares from our shores. Read More >>

Trump Baby Balloon Stabbed in the Back but the Blimp Lives On

A mini baby Trump balloon was the victim of a cowardly attack yesterday, after it was stabbed in the back and left in a crumpled, orange heap. Read More >>

Museum Wants to Save Trump Balloon for Future Generations

The massive Trump ballon that's set to fly again today in honour of the official (right old) state (of that) visit that's going on at the moment could well end its days on display in the Museum of London, with exhibition bosses thinking it's an ideal way of logging post millennial ironic protest movements. Read More >>

Glastonbury Bans “Tory Genocide” Band

A band that describes itself as being "Electronic Rave Punk" and plays under the name of Killdren has been banned, uninvited, and had its name removed from its place in very, very small print on page 12 of the Glastonbury 2019 artists poster, thanks to investigative reporters who actually listened to some of their songs. Read More >>

Local Election Made Nearly Exciting by E-Vote Trial

The process of voting and the world not changing even a bit as a result was made slightly less tedious in Gateshead yesterday, where a modern e-voting terminal was trialled to see if it made anything easier or the kids more likely to press part of a screen next to a man's insincere face than do an X on a bit of paper. Read More >>

Trump Balloon Returns to Flight for Summer State Visit

The Trump balloon that captivated, then ultimately slightly disappointed the nation last year by being a bit smaller than billed, is returning. The creators of the original flying protest piece are vowing to bring back the nappy/diaper-wearing Trump avatar to the skies in time for Mr Effing Orangina's state visit to the UK this summer. Read More >>

UK Jaguar Land Rover Staff Start Compulsory Brexit Holiday

All of Jaguar Land Rover's UK production lines have shut down today. But just for a week. It's part of the firm's Brexit-preparedness efforts, agreed months back to get staff to down tools to stop making cars for a week, lest it end up with more cars than it can possibly sell in the fluid near futures of the infinite Brexit scenarios and the schisms they may, or may not, open up. Read More >>

Psychic Terrorist Uri Geller Claims Responsibility for Parliamentary Leak

Self-certified psychic Uri Geller says he's taking the Brexit disruption process into his own hands, and is claiming responsibility for the leak in parliament yesterday that disrupted our perpetual state of politics. Read More >>

Twitter Uses France’s Own Fake News Law to Block French Voter Registration Campaign

France’s attempt to curb fake news backfired on Tuesday when Twitter rejected the French government’s attempt to run its own social media advertising campaign. Oops. Read More >>

Labour Plans to Invent the “Post Bank” for the High Street

The nation's network of post offices would turn into a new form of hybrid bank branch under a future Labour government, with the party thinking this "Post Bank" would enhance access to banking facilities on the high street, seeing as the bank-banks would rather their physical branches be sold off ASAP and turned into Shoe Zones. Read More >>

Mark Zuckerberg: OK, Fine, Regulate Facebook

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg – whose company has blundered its way into controversies over everything from user privacy and data breaches to amplification of extremist content and literal genocide as of late – responded to growing criticism of the tech sector by calling for more outside regulation in an op-ed in the Washington Post (and on his own personal Facebook page) on Saturday. Read More >>