trump
Scotland Might Use Unexplained Wealth Orders to Find Out How Trump Paid for his Golf Courses

Scotland's first minister should use Unexplained Wealth Orders (UWOs) to find out exactly how Donald Trump paid for his golf resorts in the country, says another MSP. Read More >>

climate change
Scotland is on Track to Hit 100% Renewable Energy This Year

United Nations scientists have warned that most countries are on track to totally botch the climate goals needed to curb catastrophic global warming. But there’s at least one bright spot. Read More >>

police
Scotland Police Roll out Cyber Kiosks Aimed at Data-Mining Your Phone With Ultimate Efficiently

Whether you're cooperating with the cops or have had your phone seized by the fuzz, you won't have to worry about them rifling through your data. Read More >>

health
Scotland Prepares Ban on Children Heading Footballs

Scotland may be about to get incrementally worse at football as a nation, but it's for a good cause. The bosses of the Scottish Football Association are in the final stages of preparing an all-out ban on children under the age of 12 heading footballs, as ever-firmer links are made between accrued sporting damage and later-life dementia. Read More >>

maps
M&S Shamed for Imaginary Anti-Welsh Propaganda

Bored people have been pretending not to understand something on purpose again, this time turning their misplaced wrath on Marks & Spencer for selling a jigsaw puzzle that obliterates Wales and rejoins Ireland into one. Read More >>

transport
Scotrail Loses Franchise Three Years Early

The Scotrail operation, which holds the rusty old chipped-paint chalice that allows it to run local rail services within Scotland, is to be ended early. The owner is losing its franchise three years sooner than planned; officially thanks to asking for larger subsidies, but being generally rubbish and hated by everyone may also have informed the choice. Read More >>

housing
Scotland’s Getting an Entire New Village With 3,000 Homes

A complete, brand new village containing 3,042 houses is about to assemble itself on a virgin site in Scotland, thanks to developer Springfield winning planning permission for what it believes is Scotland's largest ever single plan for a thing to build. Read More >>

money
New Polymer Scottish £20 Notes Coming to Horrify and Confuse London WHSmith Staff

Next year's going to be a great one for news stories about Scottish bank notes being refused in England, as the Bank of Scotland is preparing to launch an all-new polymer £20 that'll have staff in mainline rail stations threatening to call the police when someone tries to pay for their lunch with one. Read More >>

cities
Glasgow Humoured With Some Sort of Cultural Award Thing

Some people at the European Commission have decided to do a bit of promotion on behalf of Glasgow off their own backs, and have named the city the UK's top cultural and creative centre, like even including London and York. And to be fair, it does have some statues and even a Christmas market nowadays. Read More >>

crime
Scotland Bans the Smacking of Children Regardless of Naughtiness Level

The sort of people who still hit their children are in for some bad news, should they be able to read or comprehend current affairs, as Scotland's lawmakers have passed a bill that fully outlaws the smacking of children. Even softly. Threatening to do it is still fine, but they'll eventually work out that it never happens. Read More >>

booze
Scots Go Off the Booze After Unit-Pricing Introduction

Scotland's introduction of minimum unit pricing for alcohol has had the anticipated effect on overall consumption, with the average Scots drinker consuming 1.2 units less per week. That's about half a pint of beer, or one sneaky swig out of the hip flask at the back of the parent council meeting. Yes Jim, I noticed. That's about you. Read More >>

architecture
Rail Bosses Plan Forth Bridge Climbing Tours

Network Rail is after the influencer pound, and is planning for a future when boyfriends take photos of their girlfriends' bottoms right atop the legendary structure of the Forth Bridge. Read More >>

science
Scientists Declare Nessie Was/Is Probably an Eel

Researchers who analysed DNA material floating about in Loch Ness did not find any long-lost dinosaur code in the water, but they did find evidence of some wiggling creatures that may well have been mistaken for the beast in the past: eels. Read More >>

bikes
ScotRail Throws its Own Hire Bikes in Metaphorical Canal

The Bike & Go cycle hire scheme that saw a few knackered old red clunkers dumped outside Scottish rail stations is to close, with rail bosses saying hire numbers are down and the concept simply isn't paying for itself. Read More >>

broadband
Outer Hebrides Isles Wired up for Full Fibre at Cost of £4,000 Per House

The islands of Grimsay and Great Bernera in the Outer Hebrides constellation are now receiving the UK's finest and fastest form of broadband, thanks to Openreach and various Scottish connectivity organisations funding a 100 per cent fibre rollout for locals. Read More >>