Washing Machine Scientists Recommend a Cold Express to Minimise Sea Plastification

The best way to stop your exotic collection of Mountain Warehouse fleeces shedding millions of plastic particles each time they go through the wash is by using less water, with researchers discovering it's the quantity of water run through a machine that determines how many micro-strands of navy blue polyester enter the waste water system. Read More >>

French Inventor Brings Jaws Meme to Life by Making a Second Channel Crossing Attempt With a Bigger Boat

Franky Zapata is making the channel crossing attempt using his jetpack, but botched the landing on his refuelling boat halfway across. This time, he's going to get a bigger boat. Read More >>

Daredevil Becomes Umpteenth Man to Crash in the Sea

That man who tried to cross the Channel on his jetpack didn't die, but he did suffer a fate perhaps worse: massive public failure. Failure as #1 Google result for his name for all eternity. Failure on the local news. Read More >>

Jet-Powered Hoverboard Rider Plans Channel Crossing/Death Attempt

A French inventor, best known for creating the water-jet hoverboard that thrills tourists at posh holiday destinations, is about to attempt a modern assault on the Channel-crossing record; becoming the first person to do it on a jet-powered hoverboard. Read More >>

Cod Heads Back to the “Do Not Eat” List

Scientists almost certainly wearing lovely jumpers while advising the International Council for the Exploration of the Sea have warned on North Sea cod stocks, saying that the poor fish is yo-yoing back down in numbers towards another population crash that'll have us told not to catch it or eat it for a few years. Read More >>

Swansea Will Brick Up the Sea Whether the Government Helps or Not

The long-awaited, off-on-off, innovative and potentially world-leading Swansea tidal lagoon energy plan is back on again today, with the latest backers saying it can be made to work even if the government insists on contributing zero money to the project. Read More >>

Marine Bore-Ologists Surprisingly Recommend Eating Fish Fingers

People with swimming-pool-hair who smell of wetsuits from the Marine Conservation Society are usually telling us not to eat the few kinds of nice fish there are, instead telling us that only raw squid is OK to eat and even then not with chips or sauce or anything nice. But not this time. They have, incredibly, just come out in support of the fish finger. Read More >>

The Sea Equivalent of Time Team Thinks it’s Found HMS Endeavour

HMS Endeavour, Captain James Cook's old boat that he famously used to discover a few places that already existed, has apparently been found after spending nearly 250 years lost at the bottom of the sea. Read More >>

Experts Identify New Thing to Worry About Being Destroyed by

Scientists who spend their days and grant money expense allowances in rural B&Bs looking for bits of rock that don't fit in with other bits of rock in the area have thrilling news for anyone welcoming an apocalypse as a way to end today's troubles. They think we're more likely to be literally wiped off the map by a mega-tsunami than previously thought. Bring it on, sea gods. Wash the pain away. I'm already wearing my trunks. Read More >>

Engineers Develop Quieter Massive Sea Hammer to Protect Fish Ears

Apparently marine noise pollution is a thing nowadays, because us humans need to always be smashing something into somewhere it don't belong, even at the bottom of the sea. This disturbs sea life, causing seahorses to bolt and fish to swim away to somewhere nicer, like the Faroe Islands. Hence a new generation of more sensitive massive undersea hammer is required. Read More >>

Hope You Remembered to Stock up on Microbeads

If you have come to rely on the soothing, massaging sensation that is scrubbing yourself with microbead-containing beauty products, today is a sad day – products containing them are now banned from sale in the UK. Read More >>

Microsoft’s Data Centre Willingly Gets in the Sea

Microsoft is doing a small token thing to make it look like it's trying hard to be environmentally sound, with the tech giant sinking a data centre into the sea off the cost of the Orkney islands to examine the benefits of using the ocean to keep its servers cool. Read More >>

Paddle Steamer Sinks on Way to new Owner

Something sad but also a bit funny has happened out at sea, where historically important paddle steamer MV Oliver Cromwell managed to sink while on a delivery run to its new owner. The poor old steamer's embarrassment was increased thanks to an embedded photographer on the RNLI boat sent out to watch it go down, capturing its sinking and exposed arse. Read More >>

Government Considers Banning Wet Wipes to Save the Sewers

The government is thinking about adding wet wipes to the list of bad things we can't be trusted to have, use, or dispose of properly, as such single-use, non-biodegradable products are currently on the hit list due to containing the modern scourge of the planet, plastic. Read More >>

Playmobil Atlantic Crossing Attempt Reaches Barbados

A dad threw his children's Playmobil pirate ship in the sea. We've all been there, but this was not in a rage about the stupid noises it makes; the toy ship is off on a journey of discovery. Read More >>