Poundland Wants a Joke Writer

Can you be funny enough to make Poundland's audience laugh? Probably. If so, you might be able to sell the fruits of your imagination, as the discount chain is looking to hire a freelance funny-person to spice up its product listings. Read More >>

Baked Potatoes Face Eradication From Lunch Menus

The Spudulike chain didn't go out of business in 2001, you may be amazed to hear, although it is about to go out of business today, as the potato franchise joins the long list of high street businesses to throw in the baked beans-stained tea towel and call in the administrators. Read More >>

Environmentalists Demand Fridge Doors

The big old racks of cold bottled beverages in our supermarkets and the convenient newsagent are today's target for environmentalists, who have run the maths on their solar calculators and found that these doorless chillers consume one whole percent of the nation's entire energy supply. A cold Ribena is often important, but perhaps not so important that it keeps the national grid straining to cope. Read More >>

The Money Shop Shuts Because Everyone Hates it

427 staff serving in more than 100 branches of The Money Shop – which recently pivoted from payday loan provider to a more traditional classic pawnbroker operation – are facing redundancy, as the chain literally surrenders under the weight of negative public opinion. Read More >>

Amazon Rides in to Save the High Street it Previously Destroyed in Series 2, Episode 6

Amazon has seen an opportunity for growth in the UK, seeing as rents are cheap out there on the high street beneath decaying signs that say things like "Maplin" and "BHS," and is backing the opening of 10 pop-up shops to test the public's appetite for carrying their new stuff home with them like in the old days. Read More >>

WHSmith Ranked as Worst High Street Name

7,700 people who still actually walk to the shops, buy things in person then carry them home like they're brave hunters coming back to the village with a warm deer carcass, were asked for their opinions about the state of the shops down there. They came to largely the same conclusion – WHSmith is literally the worst. Read More >>

Five-Floor Primark Takes Over Entire Birmingham Shopping Centre

The Pavilions shopping centre in Birmingham is being brought back online three years after it closed, with discount retailer Primark taking on the entire site and turning it into the biggest Primark in the world. Read More >>

6,000 High Street Shops Closed in 2018

Data from the UK high street is still quite bleak, you will be amazed to hear, as research shows that 5,833 individual shops closed for business during 2018, with just 3,372 opening to take their place. That's a net loss of 2,481 places to go and get financial advice or sausage rolls from. Read More >>

MPs Warn High Street is Coming Like a Ghost Town

A group of MPs who submit expenses for attending meetings under the brand of the Housing, Communities and Local Government Committee have warned again on the state of the UK high street, and have, yet again, said what we really need is more in online sales taxes to hit the digital sellers and reinvest the takings in rates cuts for bricks & mortar trades. Read More >>

Small Part of High Street Refuses the Mike Ashley Handshake

Sports Direct and almost everything else owner Mike Ashley has been told he can't have Patisserie Valerie to add to his collection of failing UK businesses, as his cheeky offer wasn't considered high enough -- so he's OUT, like the unpopular, untelevised dragon he is. Read More >>

M&S Trials Paper Bags for Veg and a Good Old Greengrocer

M&S is throwing one of its branches back to the pre-shrinkwrap days of the 1970s, trialling a massively reduced plastic store that empowers people to put their own vegetables into paper bags -- and even has a "greengrocer" on hand to playfully bounce an apple on his arm and call all the old ladies "love." Read More >>

Two-Thirds of Households Had a Sneaky Whizz Around Aldi and Lidl This Christmas

Stats monitoring supermarket visits over the 12 weeks up to December 30 show the continuing booming of the sexy young German discounter twins, with both Lidl and Aldi growing by around 10 per cent compared with 2017's numbers. Read More >>

New Book Shops Seem to Be Actually… Opening

Stats counting the number of independent book shops operating in the UK show something odd. They show that there are more independent book shops in the UK now than there were a year ago, despite the mainstream media telling us repeatedly that the high street is dead. Read More >>

Bude Continues to Bleed Internet-Famous Supermarket Tunnel Dry

Sainsbury's and Bude are working together to ensure the fame won by the town's plastic car park tunnel lasts as long as possible, with the notorious plastic rain shield now kitted out with full decorations to turn it into a festive getting-to-your-car experience the likes of which we – and definitely the people of Bude – have never seen before. Read More >>

Sainsbury’s Tells Shoppers What to Buy for the Food Bank Drops

It's the curse of the modern age: you've done your shopping, bought what you can afford, planned as many as four dinners in advance and even paid for it all like you're supposed to using the self-scanning things, then they ask you to think about other people and spare an item or two for the local food banks on your way out. Dinner plans ruined. Careful rucksack loading undone. You walk by leaving nothing, feeling evil. Read More >>