Facebook Tries to Make Going ‘FB Official’ Cool Again

Facebook really wants you to make it “FB official,” send your loved one a shedload of cascading hearts, communicate in heart-eyes emoji, and keep tabs on your partner’s availability to chat. It’s almost as if Facebook has a fundamental misunderstanding of how people are using its platform. Read More >>

AI-Generated Candy Heart Messages to Get Your ‘Sweat Poo’ Swooning

A lot of people are banking on a future ruled by artificial intelligence, but in its current form, AI can still be hilariously dumb. Read More >>

Poundland’s Offering a Dirt-Cheap Three Course Valentine’s Day Meal Deal for Just £5

Expect to see a lot more stories like this over the course of the next week. We've already pointed out that Greggs, Wetherspoons, and one branch of McDonald's are all offering Valentine's Day meals, but there's an even tackier alternative out there: Poundland. Read More >>

Skipping Greggs for McDonald’s Valentine’s Menu is Probably the Fastest Way to Get Dumped

Last week came with news that some unlikely places would have their own Valentine's Day meals  for couples who can't get tables at expensive fancy restaurants. Well step aside Greggs and Wetherspoons, because McDonald's is doing the same thing. Read More >>

Now Wetherspoons is Offering ‘Romantic’ Valentine’s Meals for the Low Price of £20

Earlier this week Greggs announced that it would be accepting Valentine's Day bookings at five locations, for couples who want to spend the evening together eating pasties and doughnuts. Now Wetherspoons has announced it's doing something similar, charging couples £20 for a romantic meal. Read More >>

You Could Spend Your Valentine’s Day in the Romantic Ambience Of Greggs

Valentine's Day is just over two weeks away, putting a pressure on couples across the country to spend a bunch of money on cards, flowers, and other crap lest their partners decide they don't love them any more. If you can't cook worth a damn that also involves going out for dinner, and if you somehow forgot to make a reservation then Greggs has your back. Read More >>

Watch Some Animals Eat Each Other While They Bone

Humans do some pretty freaky shit in the bedroom, but it usually falls short of decapitating and eating each other. Some of our cousins in the animal kingdom do not avoid these trifling taboos. Read More >>

Shopping List
All the Best Gifts for the Person That Hates Themselves

So 50 Shades Darker, the sequel to 50 Shades of Grey just hit cinemas. The consensus is that it's absolute drivel, but people are bound to go and see it anyway. Because they hate themselves, they're masochists, they were duped into thinking it's good, or because they were forced to. Read More >>

We’re Doing Valentine’s Day Wrong – It Should Be a Socialist Holiday Instead

Western civilisation can do amazing things. I mean, I look at skyscrapers, the Enlightenment and computers. It has a pretty decent track record. Read More >>

Happy Valentine’s Day Everyone, Pornhub Wants To Be Your New ‘Bae’

Forget chocolates, tacky greeting cards, flowers that are technically already dead; Pornhub are giving the people what they really want this Valentine's Day - free (premium) porn. Read More >>

Don’t Worry, Alexa Will Be Your Valentine

It's almost Valentine's Day, but if you're feeling anxious that you won't find love by the 14th, fear not: Alexa will be your Valentine. Read More >>

pokemon go
London Besieged By Porygon As Pokémon Go UK Valentine’s Day Event Kicks Off

The first Pokémon Go event of 2017 is live in the UK now, having kicked in just after 7pm last night - and Londoners haven't been able to move for Porygon since. Read More >>

Brits Are WAY More Loyal To Our Broadband Providers Than Our Partners

As the calendar drags us interminably towards February the 14th and its many, many smug Facebook engagements, lots of us unintentionally audit our romantic lives. Are we happy with our partners? Is it time to get back on Tinder? Did we settle for Dependable Devon instead of risking rejection from Perfect Paris? Read More >>

star wars
Buy The One You Love A Long-Stemmed Yoda This Valentine’s Day

For the second year running, nerd paradise shopping website ThinkGeek is doing Star Wars bouquets for Valentine's Day, and this year's is exceptional. Read More >>

Valentine’s Day: A Last Minute Guide on Not Spending it With Your Hand

We know, we know -- it's a scam. Overpriced cards, watered down champagne, puke-worthy twee stuff everywhere. But there's no avoiding it -- Valentine's Day is every bit the money-grabbing institution. And, sadly, it's one that half the country seems to have bought into. So, in an attempt to play nice and avoid dying a lonely, bitter husk, you've got to take part. Read More >>