watch this
Jason Segel Is the Only Person Who Can Stop This Guy From Eating Paper Forever

Jason Segel — actor of How I Met Your Mother, Freaks and Geeks and Muppets fame — is in a unique position: he’s the only person alive that can save one very strange man from a lifetime of gastrointestinal discomfort. Read More >>

Teacher Suspended After Giving Students Cooking Instructions For Crystal Meth

A Canadian mother in Ontario is outraged after her 13-year-old son was handed instructions for making and injecting crystal meth as part of a drama class assignment. Read More >>

Warner Bros Has Made the Awful Decision to Approach Mel Gibson to Helm Suicide Squad 2

Warner Bros and DC continue to make sarcastically amazing directorial choices. They’ve reportedly sought out Mel Gibson, the guy who’s gone on anti-Semitic rants and said he wanted his ex-girlfriend to get gang-raped, as the person they’d like to direct the next Suicide Squad movie. Read More >>

We’re Doing Valentine’s Day Wrong – It Should Be a Socialist Holiday Instead

Western civilisation can do amazing things. I mean, I look at skyscrapers, the Enlightenment and computers. It has a pretty decent track record. Read More >>

Members of Trump’s Club Can Just Pose With the President’s Nuclear Codes Guy Now

Image: Facebook
Do you have £160,000 and a fascination with the prospect of nuclear annihilation? You may want to look into purchasing a membership at Mar-a-Lago, the “winter White House,” where this weekend some guy posted a selfie with the Trump aide who carries the United States’ nuclear football. Read More >>

This Might Be Our First Look at the Klingons in Star Trek: Discovery

A leaked photo that looks to be from the set of Star Trek: Discovery has given us our first peek at the new Klingons. And, yeah, there are some things we need to discuss. Read More >>

Netflix Show “My Sex Robot” Shows That We Have A Long Way To Go

Why is it that so many sex robots look like a horrific combination of resuscitation dolls and nightmarish puppets? Surely the main thing with a robot you're going to put a part of your anatomy into is that it doesn't look like it might kill you in your sleep. Read More >>

This Viral Photo of Steve Bannon Is Totally Fake

Over the past couple of weeks, this photo of Trump adviser Steve Bannon has been popping up on social media. Anthony Bourdain even tweeted that he thought Bannon might have syphilis. And whether Bourdain is joking or not, plenty of people think the photo is real. But it’s totally fake. Read More >>

Scary Movie Duo Seeks to Ruin Star Wars with Latest Spoof Film

The guys behind Scary MovieEpic Movie, and Disaster Movie (hey, I’m noticing a trend) are now turning their attention to one of the biggest and brightest franchises of all time: Star Wars. Because why settle for being terrible when you can also be a hack? Read More >>

The Scariest Thrill Ride in the World Trades Safety for Sheer Terror

If you get queasy even on a docile Ferris Wheel, next time you’re at a carnival in Myanmar looking for a cheap thrill you’ll want to avoid a ride called the Tagada at all costs. Safety concerns aside, it looks like it would make even RAF test pilots lose their lunches as it spins and lurches, throwing riders in all directions. Read More >>

‘£80,773’ Harambe Cheeto Is Everything Stupid About the Internet

A little over a week ago, seller valuestampsinc posted a listing on eBay for a Flaming Hot Cheeto vaguely resembling Harambe. On Monday, this inevitably became a viral story due to its exorbitant price—the final, winning big is a whopping $99,900 (£80,773). Read More >>

Doctors Pull Live Cockroach From Woman’s Skull After Complaints of ‘Crawling Sensation’

On Tuesday, a 42-year-old Indian woman went to the hospital, complaining of an extremely painful “tingling, crawling sensation.” After being transferred three times, doctors determined that there was a “foreign body that seemed to be mobile” in her head. Read More >>

Drudge Report Stokes Iran Fears With Fake Missile Photo Featuring Jar Jar Binks

The Drudge Report published a peculiar image on its homepage yesterday, featuring the Star Wars character Jar Jar Binks peeking out over a set of photoshopped ballistic missiles. The headline read “Iran Rattles,” indicating that the story was meant to be taken seriously. Read More >>

Sesame Street Trump is a Nightmare You Can’t Unsee

What happens when you run various photos of President Donald Trump and his associates through a deep learning algorithm that’s looking for images from Sesame Street? Pure horror. Gaze upon the results and imagine the president’s voice saying, “no Muppet, no Muppet, you’re the Muppet!Read More >>

Angry Octopus Intimidates Cameraman By Blowing Itself Up Like a Giant Balloon

Don’t interrupt an octopus while it’s eating and don’t you dare point your camera at it because the octopus ain’t having it. In fact, the super villain creature of the ocean will try to intimidate you when you do that because it’ll charge at you, stare you down, and then inflate itself like a giant parachute so it looks like it’s flexing all its muscles at once. It’s actually pretty impressive (and a little bit scary). Read More >>