Florida City Has Been Accidentally Sending Out Zombie Alert Messages Since Hurricane Irma

No one should ever screw around on a public alert system. But considering it’s been a bad year for warning systems — from the Hawaii false emergency alert accidentally informing the public of an incoming missile that didn’t exist to the National Weather Service’s false tsunami warning to the Department of Justice’s Amber Alert site issues that redirected visitors to porn sites — now is an especially bad time for someone to be screwing around on an alert system. Read More >>

You Can Buy an Overpriced Bag of Garbage From the Royal Wedding on eBay

The Royal Family, who exist primarily to own land and outlive other heads of state, threw a massive party this weekend. There were military uniforms, horses, and a gospel choir singing “Stand By Me.” There were also gift bags. Which are now going on eBay for hundreds of pounds. Read More >>

Exciting News: Toys ‘R’ Us is Selling

As part of a fire sale to repay its debt, beloved and bankrupt toy store Toys “R” Us is offering up its intellectual property — which not only includes its name and trademarked mascot, but also all the inactive domain names it bought up to avoid potential embarrassment. Read More >>

Why We Should Listen to Flat Earth Believers (Even Though They’re Completely Wrong)

It’s easy to attribute the recent resurgence in belief that the world is flat to stupidity or gullibility – indeed, physicist Neil deGrasse Tyson writes Flat Earthers off as proof that the educational system has failed. But while it might rightly be labelled ridiculous, belief in the Flat Earth does not exist in a vacuum. People who believe that the Earth is flat almost universally accept other conspiracy theories too, and while Flat Earth belief can be harmless, its bedfellows may not be quite so benign. Read More >>

Oops! A Tippy Truck Spilled Tonnes of Sticky Chocolate All Over the Road

When trucks full of stuff flip, they sometimes spill their contents on the ground. Sometimes it’s money. Sometimes it’s a tonne of Skittles. This time it’s warm, brown goo. Read More >>

Doctors Remove 132-Pound Nightmare Tumour From US Woman’s Abdomen

A 38-year-old woman was forced to endure the sort of body horror that would make John Carpenter shudder: An all-consuming, if benign, ovarian tumour that swelled up to 132 pounds. But thankfully, doctors were able to successfully remove the monstrosity with relative ease. Read More >>

Deadpool 2 Just Released a Music Video From Canadian Queen Celine Dion

Holy shit, Deadpool. Every time I think I’m done, you pull me back in. With goddamn Celine Dion this time? The legendary artist has released her first English single in two years... and yes, it’s about Deadpool 2. Read More >>

Idiot Given Driving Ban After Switching on Tesla Autopilot and Jumping Into the Passenger Seat

You can't buy a fully-autonomous car right now. The best you can do is purchase a car with some sort of driving assist that feels pretty autonomous, but can't replace a human driver - like Tesla's Autopilot. Clearing people still don't understand that part, including one dickhead who was caught sitting in the passenger seat while his Tesla drove down the M1 unsupervised. Read More >>

Avengers Sex Toys, Assemble!

Late last year Australian sex toy maker Geeky Sex Toys gave us serious pause. At the time it was producing sex toys based off Star Wars, including a seriously optimistic rendition of Yoda’s verdant dong, and there was no clear reason why the company wasn’t saddled with so many cease and desists from Disney as to leave a dildo-shaped crater in the Australian landscape. Now it’s getting naughty with Disney’s stable of Marvel superheroes, too. Read More >>

An Enormous Statue of Jesus in Poland Just Got Internet Antennas and No One’s Sure Why

Rising 108 feet in the air, Christ the King is said to be the tallest statue of Jesus in the world. Since 2010, it’s loomed over the residents of Świebodzin, Poland, and it’s apparently already getting some upgrades. Signal broadcasting equipment was recently spotted embedded in the statue’s crown, but no one’s quite sure what’s going on with Jesus 2.0. Read More >>

US Court of Appeals Rules Monkeys Can’t Sue for Copyright, Because This is an Argument That Still Needs to be Had

It's been about seven years since Ella, an Indonesian macaque monkey, snapped a picture of herself with a camera belonging to David Slater. And since then Slater has had to spend a very large chunk of his time in court, because PETA decided it would be a great idea to sue and fight on behalf of the monkey so it will own the copyright. Because PETA clearly don't have better things to do in their crusade for 'animal rights'. But PETA suffered another blow because the US Court of Appeals has affirmed a 2016 ruling that said monkeys aren't allowed to sue for copyright. Read More >>

France Can’t Handle Quorn, Bans Veggie Products From Masquerading as Alt-Meat

The French aren't exactly known for being open-minded when it comes to the evolving nature of cuisine, but its latest attempt to safeguard the world of French food is taking things a bit too far. Basically it's banned vegetarian products from using words commonly associated with meat, which means no more veggie sausages, veggie 'bacon' and so on. Read More >>

Priests Are Performing Exorcisms Over the Phone Now

Thanks to advancements in telecommunications, more people are starting to work remotely—including Catholic exorcists. Read More >>

Here Is a Teeny Nail Growing on Top of Another Nail on Someone’s Middle Finger

This man had a tiny second fingernail growing on top of the nail of his middle finger. It looks like a second finger. Read More >>

Report: Stan Lee’s Stolen Blood Was Used to Sign Marvel Comics Sold in Las Vegas

Stan Lee, the legendary comics figure who helped bring many of Marvel’s most iconic characters to life, has been in the news lately for reasons beyond his comics legacy. Over the last month, several reports about Lee’s personal lifehave uncovered bizarre attempts to capitalise on the 95-year-old’s fortunes... and a new twist in the tale makes the saga even stranger. Read More >>